Friday, 29 March 2013

Ice Lettuce

By: Sandbad Ex Muslim

It was after work, just end of another pointless day in Wigan. As usual on my way back I went to town center to shop for some groceries to prepare dinner. At that time of day Wigan town center offers two types of shopping. First is a massive Morrisons super market selling all different sort of things and second a local market with many small shops in it.

I walked past the Morrisons and made my way into local market and went straight to where a green grocery ran by a group of bearded and mustache-less men is located right opposite a chip shop which sells fried half chickens. Didn't feel like chicken that day as it was what I had for last several days so went straight to greengrocers to buy some salad veggies.

Asked for prices, cucumber was 70p each, ice lettuce 69p each and tomato 1.70 per kilo. Couldn't help not saying something to the greengrocer with his distinctive bearded and mustache-less appearance so I joked:

You planning to bankrupt Morrisons or what? You are selling ice lettuce much cheaper!

He asked in response:

How much is ice lettuce in Morrisons?

“One pound” I said and while I was picking the tomatoes and putting them inside a plastic bag I said:

You would expect Morrisons to sell ice lettuce much cheaper! Isn't it? If you as a small shop can sell them 69p each and still make a profit we can assume Morrisons should be able to sell them even cheaper as it owns an established chain of supply and a massive economy of scale.

Then I passed the bag full of tomatoes to greengrocer to weigh and looked at him unsure of his reaction to the comment I just made. I was more expecting him to remain silent and say nothing in response but he looked back at me and to my surprise threw his shoulders up and while he was holding the bag full of tomatoes in his left hand  he raised his right hand in the air as if he was giving a speech to a whole crowd and with a feeling of relief and enthusiasm said:

“Yahood*”!  They are “Yahood*”!!!

I couldn't hold myself from laughing after seeing his reaction and hearing his response. So while I was laughing I tried to sound disappointed and unsure and I told him:

You are stereotyping man! Its not right! I know Jewish people who are not greedy like that.

He looked back at me with all his doubts clear on his face. Then he turned around and got busy with weighing and preparing my bags leaving me to stand there by myself. I didn't say no more, only my hand reached and touched my face just to remind me that I hadn't shaved for a whole week and that I massively look and sound middle-eastern at the same time.

After a while he turned back and handed over my bags. I paid the money and when he was giving back my change, in order to thank me for shopping from his shop he said:

Thank you “brother”!

And I walked away with my ice lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes thinking of the new friend I just made.

*Yahood = Jewish


  1. very optimistic outlook there Behzad... :)

    1. being optimistic is not what I am usually characterized with! in what way?

  2. At least you called him up on him. Be proud of that.